Kirjoittaminen suomeksi tuntuu hirvittävän paljon henkilökohtaisemmalta kuin kirjoittaminen englanniksi. Olen viime aikoina tottunut ilmaisemaan ajatuksiani vain vierailla kielillä ja nyt tämä oma äidinkieleni ei sitten millään tunnu taipuvan haluamikseni sanakäänteiksi. Omat odotukseni suomenkielisiä kirjoituksiani kohtaan ovat luonnollisesti myös korkealla ja jokainen tekemäni virhe on osoitus sivistymättömyydestä -vierailla kielillä on vain luonnollista tehdä pilkkuvirheitä. Lisäksi ajattelen, että olen parempi kirjoittamaan englantia vierasmaalaisena kuin kirjoittamaan suomea suomalaisena. Yhtenä syynä tähän kankeuteen lienee myös se, että englanniksi kirjoitan ja puhun samalla tavalla kun taas suomeksi puhuttu äidinkieleni on ulkomaiden & Turun ajan hioma (armas) Oulunmurre. Noh, eiköhän tämä tästä, seuraavan kappaleen kirjoittamiseen tuskin menee enää 15 minuuttia!
On myös jännää, miten kieli ja sen hallitseminen muovaavat ulkoista käytöstämme. Saksaksi olen huomattavan vähäsanaisempi ja hiljaisempi kuin englanniksi ja espanjaksi olen n. 3 vuotias lapsi. Suomeksi olen mitä milloinkin, mutta yleensä pystyn ilmaisemaan itseäni tarkasti. Paitsi välillä. Niin kuin ehkä vähän niin kuin nyt.
Luin saksalaista (miesten)lehteä viikonloppuna ja siellä oli artikkeli näistä blogeista. Julkkikseksi tulo ei kuulema koskaan ole ollut näin helppoa! Olen ajatellut tätä omaa kirjoitteluani ja perustellut sitä halulla pitää yhteyttä läheisiini ja jakaa ajatuksiani jo tuntemieni ihmisten kanssa. Mutta samalla, pakkohan se on myöntää, pidän myös ajatuksesta saada oma ääneni kuuluviin ja "julkaista" kirjoituksiani (seuraavaaksi haluaisin päästä levyttämään). En usko, ettäkö monikaan vieras näitä merkintöjäni lukee, mutta samalla odottelen kommentteja uusilta lukijoiltani. Olen myös jo kauan pyöritellyt ajatusta blogini hyödyntämisestä ensi kevään työnhaussa. Mutta ehkäpä sitä varten perustan uuden, hallitumman weblogin nimeltään palkatkaaminutpliis! tai singlewhitefemale tai joblessinfinland. Tai miten olisi jobiaetsimässä...Kaisa4hire saatettaisiin tulkita väärin. Jokatapauksessa, minusta tämä on hauskaa puuhaa ja businessnaisena on myös erittäin mielenkiintoista, miten tämmöisen uudet keksinnöt leviävät ja saavat uusia (luovia) käyttömuotoja. Vaikka niistä sitten siten tulisikin pahojen markkinavoimien kätyreitä.
Ostin muuten sen kyseisen lehden oikeastaan vahingossa; sen teemana oli Luovuus (be creative!) ja kansikuvan vähäpukeiset typykät olivat harhaanjohtavan tyylitellysti vähäpukeisia. Luulin siis ostavani paikallista Imagea, mutta taisinkin ostaa Miehen Glorian, vaimikäselieolisi se vastaava. Mutta mitäpä siitä, artikkeleiden takiahan lehtiä kuin lehtiä on aina osteltu. Luovuuteen kehotettiin pyrkimään teknologiaa uudella tavalla hyödyntämällä, yksinkertaisesti aloittamalla, harrastamalla seksiä, yksityiskohtiin rakastumalla, elämällä säännönmukaisesti, asumalla halvalla alueella, odottamalla mutta odotusajan hyödyntämällä, verkostoitumalla ja uusia materiaaleja käyttämällä. Jokaiselle siis jotain ja aika yleismaailmallisia totuuksia kaikki tyynni. Olen yrittänyt täällä Bonnissa välttää elämistä jo sitä seuraavaa vaihetta odottaen, suurimmaksi osin siinä onnistuenkin. Life is what happens while you are making other plans, muistuttelen itselleni. Ja vaikka olenkin siihen odottamiseen jossain määrin syyllistynyt, olen kyllä hyödyntänyt sen ajan mielestäni aika hyvin. Olen ympäröinyt itseni luovilla asioilla ja ihmisillä sekä yleisesti ottaen inspiroitunut elämästä. Olen oppinut taas uusia asioita itsestäni ja tajunnut, miten kaikki on lopulta kiinni vain siitä, kuinka omat asiansa/ tekemisensä onnistuu muille esittämään ja kuinka omiin mahdollisuuksiinsa uskoo. Muita listan asioita aion myös tässä ajan kanssa kokeilla, viimeistään Intiassa niihin varmasti tarjoutuu mahdollisuus. Katsotaan sitten, miten tämä luovuuden etsintä tästä kehittyy ja mihin siinä mahdollisesti päädyn!
Ja onhan sekin jo osoitus jostain, että "vahingossa" ostaa lehden, jota normaalisti ei lukisi, vain koska sen kannessa lukee se yksi tietty taikasana. Where there is a will there is a way... Luovaa viikkoa murmelini!
Monday, November 21, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
I am not a nerd at all...
..but apparently "maybe not at all cool either"...
Oh, well. There you go. Next stop: the Harry Potter sorting hat test!!
Oh, well. There you go. Next stop: the Harry Potter sorting hat test!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Es wird viel passieren
The other day I found my high-school sweetheart again! I remember how it used to be a part of my daily life... MARIENHOF! Again, I am using the same excuse for watching it: learning more German. Oh, but it is comforting to see how some things never change! The Turkish vegetable merchant, Sülo Ösketürk (or something similarly insanely Turkish!) is still there, as well as the night club "Roxy" where everybody meets in the evenings. Now I just have to try and fit it into my veri bisi agenda... I should think once a week is enough to keep up with what's going on... Even though the slogan is "a lot will be happening" (translation tres difficult this morning) none of the twists in the plot seem to require frequent viewing. Currently my nro one priority is seeing people, second doing enough sports and third having enough time for myself. Maybe I could squeeze Mhof into one of those categories.... But who in their right mind would want to watch Mhof with me? And I would be too embarrassed to be seen watching it at the gym. And I guess watching Mhof alone is like drinking alone or talking to yourself: not advisable. On top of it all, I am leaving the country again in a couple of weeks! So, like most all the other high-school sweethearts, this one will have to go and even though I know there is no real future for us, it still stings a bit! ;-) And Kotikatu just never did it for me, I don’t know why!
The right time this sickening affection towards endless documentaries about the 2nd world war and dubbed foreign films I’ve already seen in original versions ends! Just the other night I found myself smiling at a German TV commercial…! Soon I might start watching the local soaps for real, like verliebt in berlin (an “ugly” girl with braces and plastic eye glasses working in the fashion industry??) or Tatort (this, I guess, is a quality crime series). Down the road there are the endless talk shows with angry lesbians in glimmering outfits and spitting slimy politicians thrown together to entertain the masses with “intellectual” debate. Yes, it is time to depart from this land of green & leathery police uniforms, brezels with beer or radler for women and rudeness as a national sport before I become one of the people who shout at you if you don’t cross the road quickly enough.
On a more serious ending note it will not be easy leaving all that I have here behind, especially since it means building it all up again somewhere else. I hate goodbyes so I’ll probably just end up saying “see you around” to everybody. Luckily the world has become so small that friendships across distances are not so difficult to maintain. Adapting one of the famous goodbye lines in the history of cinema: we will always have Bonn…
The right time this sickening affection towards endless documentaries about the 2nd world war and dubbed foreign films I’ve already seen in original versions ends! Just the other night I found myself smiling at a German TV commercial…! Soon I might start watching the local soaps for real, like verliebt in berlin (an “ugly” girl with braces and plastic eye glasses working in the fashion industry??) or Tatort (this, I guess, is a quality crime series). Down the road there are the endless talk shows with angry lesbians in glimmering outfits and spitting slimy politicians thrown together to entertain the masses with “intellectual” debate. Yes, it is time to depart from this land of green & leathery police uniforms, brezels with beer or radler for women and rudeness as a national sport before I become one of the people who shout at you if you don’t cross the road quickly enough.
On a more serious ending note it will not be easy leaving all that I have here behind, especially since it means building it all up again somewhere else. I hate goodbyes so I’ll probably just end up saying “see you around” to everybody. Luckily the world has become so small that friendships across distances are not so difficult to maintain. Adapting one of the famous goodbye lines in the history of cinema: we will always have Bonn…
Monday, November 14, 2005
Weekend fun
On Saturday we went to Köln to dance along to the DJs (disc jockeys, as a friend likes to call them..) of Mojo club.. I think I've been to the real club in Hamburg a few years ago during a choir tour... In any case the music was GReat (dance floor jazz) and we danced the night away!! Excellente!
The next day was naturally somewhat affected by the joys of the previous evening and I ended up spending most of my Sunday having brunch at Rheinlust. Full multicontinental breakfast, some Finnish newspapers and invigorating conversations. Perfecto!
The next day was naturally somewhat affected by the joys of the previous evening and I ended up spending most of my Sunday having brunch at Rheinlust. Full multicontinental breakfast, some Finnish newspapers and invigorating conversations. Perfecto!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Alaaf; start of the 5th season
This soap opera is never ending! Today at exactly 11.11 O'clock the official Karneval season starts again...
St Maarten komt
Today is St Martin day and already yesterday the streets were filled with lantern-carrying, money-begging children. I started the evening with a balancing act: body balance at my fitness club followed by a cleansing beer at bönnsch with our Finnish community. The highlight of the evening was joining my Danish friends for a Real Danish St Maarten's meal (stuffed Duck, caramelised potatoes, the lot!) and some red wine. Mange tack!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
in the departures lounge
So now it’s official: I am leaving Bonn in the end of the month. Next stop India and thereafter… Helsinki?
I have no regrets, but do feel that it is a great pity that this did not work out. There are many people that I will miss terribly and the job itself has a lot of potential. At the same time I haven’t developed during this 6 month period as much as I did e.g. as an Intern and somehow have not been able to perform the way that I feel I should have been. In fact, this job has been slowly eating me, nibbling into my professional confidence and I have to stop it now in order to come of this experience as a winner. I am optimistic about my future and feel very strongly that this is the right thing to do. I have learned a lot about myself and will be sure to do things differently the next time.
I feel exhilarated and exhausted, happy-go-lucky and terribly worried, like an idiot and fantastically courageous…
It is not easy just leaving a permanent job without a new one to jump into. On the other hand it is not so usual to be able to take some time for yourself and not to have to think about that mortgage, child-care etc... Time has become the scarcest of resources for the modern woman. I will use these 2 monthfuls of luxury to the best of my ability and go traveling in India with my soul mate and partner in crime, Jussi. I try not to feel guilty for doing this and make the most of this opportunity for real reflection and serious planning the Future. Maybe that will lead to crafting that infamous Vision; at least I will start off my career a fresh and gather some intellectual/mental/spiritual capital for whatever lies ahead of me. Even if this direction turns out to be wrong I need to take this step if for nothing else than for the sake for having done just that.
It might be easy to put this down into to being young and naïve and having not yet learned that this is as good as it gets. I acknowledge that Life sometimes has to be boring and can even seem unbearably though at times. I don’t expect to be any different from anybody else and don’t have any misconceptions of my possibilities or unreal expectations. At the same time really believe in having great Dreams and expecting nothing but the best from myself. Life in deed is like a box of chocolates and it offers us not only pleasant experiences but also many disappointments ranging from smaller misfortunes of not finding the right flavored chewing gum to serious catastrophes that leave you short of everything. I have to equip myself the best I can to be able to cope with what ever my little earthquakes might turn out to be. Most importantly I must not let any fear of not succeeding keep me from doing new things and embracing challenges. It all comes down to self awareness, -esteem, -confidence. It is also about how you present yourself to others and how that in turn shapes the opportunities around you.
I sometimes think that my biggest tragedy in this life is not having any big tragedies in this life. I have had it very easy and I am grateful for that, but at the same time I feel that I could have done with a bit of a kicking to force me to take control of my own fate. I would also have something concrete as an explanation for feeling insufficient, depressed or just plain lost. But on the other hand self-pity and shifting blame are among the biggest and most common disservices that we do to ourselves. I want to keep away from doing that and take full responsibility for all my actions and decision. I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I might have made some really stupid choices, but at least I made them and did not just go with the flow. I want to take ownership of my own life and be accountable for my actions.
Somebody just wished me good luck and added a Chinese saying: may you live interesting times. I have the feeling that the times ahead of me will turn out to be just that. Someone is singing "I did it my way" along the corridor... and I totally agree with Simon: everything will be alright with me.
I have no regrets, but do feel that it is a great pity that this did not work out. There are many people that I will miss terribly and the job itself has a lot of potential. At the same time I haven’t developed during this 6 month period as much as I did e.g. as an Intern and somehow have not been able to perform the way that I feel I should have been. In fact, this job has been slowly eating me, nibbling into my professional confidence and I have to stop it now in order to come of this experience as a winner. I am optimistic about my future and feel very strongly that this is the right thing to do. I have learned a lot about myself and will be sure to do things differently the next time.
I feel exhilarated and exhausted, happy-go-lucky and terribly worried, like an idiot and fantastically courageous…
It is not easy just leaving a permanent job without a new one to jump into. On the other hand it is not so usual to be able to take some time for yourself and not to have to think about that mortgage, child-care etc... Time has become the scarcest of resources for the modern woman. I will use these 2 monthfuls of luxury to the best of my ability and go traveling in India with my soul mate and partner in crime, Jussi. I try not to feel guilty for doing this and make the most of this opportunity for real reflection and serious planning the Future. Maybe that will lead to crafting that infamous Vision; at least I will start off my career a fresh and gather some intellectual/mental/spiritual capital for whatever lies ahead of me. Even if this direction turns out to be wrong I need to take this step if for nothing else than for the sake for having done just that.
It might be easy to put this down into to being young and naïve and having not yet learned that this is as good as it gets. I acknowledge that Life sometimes has to be boring and can even seem unbearably though at times. I don’t expect to be any different from anybody else and don’t have any misconceptions of my possibilities or unreal expectations. At the same time really believe in having great Dreams and expecting nothing but the best from myself. Life in deed is like a box of chocolates and it offers us not only pleasant experiences but also many disappointments ranging from smaller misfortunes of not finding the right flavored chewing gum to serious catastrophes that leave you short of everything. I have to equip myself the best I can to be able to cope with what ever my little earthquakes might turn out to be. Most importantly I must not let any fear of not succeeding keep me from doing new things and embracing challenges. It all comes down to self awareness, -esteem, -confidence. It is also about how you present yourself to others and how that in turn shapes the opportunities around you.
I sometimes think that my biggest tragedy in this life is not having any big tragedies in this life. I have had it very easy and I am grateful for that, but at the same time I feel that I could have done with a bit of a kicking to force me to take control of my own fate. I would also have something concrete as an explanation for feeling insufficient, depressed or just plain lost. But on the other hand self-pity and shifting blame are among the biggest and most common disservices that we do to ourselves. I want to keep away from doing that and take full responsibility for all my actions and decision. I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I might have made some really stupid choices, but at least I made them and did not just go with the flow. I want to take ownership of my own life and be accountable for my actions.
Somebody just wished me good luck and added a Chinese saying: may you live interesting times. I have the feeling that the times ahead of me will turn out to be just that. Someone is singing "I did it my way" along the corridor... and I totally agree with Simon: everything will be alright with me.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Clap your hands if you believe...
Saw "Finding Neverland" with Jenny yesterday. It restored my belief in fairies and strengthened my dedication to follow my own path in this life. Now I just have to find that path...
Yesterday I also ran 10 km for the first time in my life. The weather was GREAT and running felt really good. And doing something for the first time in your life gives you such a rush, doesn't it! I have never been the running type so this was an important milestone and a true victory over myself. And it was not even difficult!
I finished my Sunday evening with some Finnish cider and soul searching...
This morning it was pissing down rain and still I biked to work! Wrapped my laptop in a plastic bag and wore my dhl rain trousers on top of my business gear. That's Finnish SISU for you!
Yesterday I also ran 10 km for the first time in my life. The weather was GREAT and running felt really good. And doing something for the first time in your life gives you such a rush, doesn't it! I have never been the running type so this was an important milestone and a true victory over myself. And it was not even difficult!
I finished my Sunday evening with some Finnish cider and soul searching...
This morning it was pissing down rain and still I biked to work! Wrapped my laptop in a plastic bag and wore my dhl rain trousers on top of my business gear. That's Finnish SISU for you!
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