Another friend got a job in Helsinki and moved last weekend. Very sad... the silver lining is that she gave us her old sofa! It makes absolutely no sense to change a perfectly functional only slightly ugly and over-sized sofa for this one, but I just love our new retro-sofa! It is greenish-brown and fits perfectly into our new (formerly known as the bed room) music room!
Monday, January 08, 2007
Thursday, October 26, 2006
fancy a cuppa?
I wanted to take some pictures of my working space... but did not want to schock people... So this is the nicest and by far the most inspiring item in my room! It is funny how much a small splash of colour changes the way we feel about our surroundings - the only thing I see in my windowless (ok, there is one in the ceiling..) box is my delicious Green cup filled with fennel tea ("light, acreeable and mild").
Friday, October 13, 2006
Getting inspired...
My current contract ends in the end of November. Again, I have to start looking for work... OR again I have the opportunity to be inspired by something new and start afresh. It feels SO exciting to be moving forward and at the same time SO daunting to have to go through the self-selling process again. It's always the same dilema : need to make money but want to be happy and inspired too. Want security but also want freedom and space for creativity. Below I have randomly listed a few things that have inspired me lately:
-Painting; my drawings are ending up as christmas cards for a local charity. How cool is that!
-Autumnal fresh air (this keeps me going the whole year through!)
-Singing classes with a new teacher
-Learning about people who have boldly followed their dreams and made their passions into professions
-Yoga; it seems I am finding my phase. finally
-Visiting friends' houses - especially when they don't mind me touching everything...
-Being home alone - this is great for a maximum of 5 days
-New bike!!! My new Kona makes even young kids jealous.
-Painting; my drawings are ending up as christmas cards for a local charity. How cool is that!
-Autumnal fresh air (this keeps me going the whole year through!)
-Singing classes with a new teacher
-Learning about people who have boldly followed their dreams and made their passions into professions
-Yoga; it seems I am finding my phase. finally
-Visiting friends' houses - especially when they don't mind me touching everything...
-Being home alone - this is great for a maximum of 5 days
-New bike!!! My new Kona makes even young kids jealous.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Autumn leaves..jee!
Don't you just love Autumn! The air is so crisp and clean.. :-)
We just got back from our traditional weekend away at our Friend's summer house in Karjalohja. I was down with the flu but still managed to go swimming in the lake after the sauna. And in the morning too! Did not try the other traditional Finnish cures for flu (spelling it out for those not familiar with them; Vodka and tar :-)...
I've already been in Finland for quite a while.. And yes, planning to visit Bonn soon. Hopefully for the christmas concerts:this would be the first time that I manage them so let's keep our fingers crossed!
We just got back from our traditional weekend away at our Friend's summer house in Karjalohja. I was down with the flu but still managed to go swimming in the lake after the sauna. And in the morning too! Did not try the other traditional Finnish cures for flu (spelling it out for those not familiar with them; Vodka and tar :-)...
I've already been in Finland for quite a while.. And yes, planning to visit Bonn soon. Hopefully for the christmas concerts:this would be the first time that I manage them so let's keep our fingers crossed!
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
No Woman Left Behind
I've done something I've been meaning to do for ages; joined Unifem, United Nations Development Fund for Women. It was made so easy; I paid the fee in the internet and yesterday got my first mail from them. A small gesture that feels really good; and also keeps me informed about things in this world that I care about. Even though the Finnish media is probably the best in the world I sometimes feel a bit out of the swim of things up here in the North!
I also found what sounded like the workplace of my dreams... but in London.
I also found what sounded like the workplace of my dreams... but in London.
Monday, June 26, 2006
We were sailing...
We spent midsummer's night sailing in the Turku Archipelago. Which was great! The sun dipped below the horizon for a short time but still it was pretty light throughout the night. The weather was great, we went swimming every morning and night (from the sauna) and enjoyed great food, even better company and fantastiche scenery for three very relaxing days. Nnnice. More pictures coming up!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
moving on
I must say that living in a "proper" flat is rather nice... There are no ugly, moldy, dusty oh-but-so-valuable sofas everywhere, no weird stuff that the ex-roommate left behind, no wiggly bugs with mustachio running around the bathroom floor when you enter it...
BUT there are also no interesting memorabilia from the past parties decorating the rooms, no more girls nights under the stars, no olde grande piano, only one balcony and only one (albeit phaantastic) roommate..
Someone once wondered whether we will ever grow up. In many senses we never will (never never), and in some senses we already have a long time ago. For example we keep changing the side of the bed that we sleep on to keep things interesting... Retrocede deplorable bougeois life! ;-)
Housewarming party coming up in July, keep posted for more info!
BUT there are also no interesting memorabilia from the past parties decorating the rooms, no more girls nights under the stars, no olde grande piano, only one balcony and only one (albeit phaantastic) roommate..
Someone once wondered whether we will ever grow up. In many senses we never will (never never), and in some senses we already have a long time ago. For example we keep changing the side of the bed that we sleep on to keep things interesting... Retrocede deplorable bougeois life! ;-)
Housewarming party coming up in July, keep posted for more info!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Back to square 1...
Good morning!
I am sitting at my old desk but in a new room, looking at the same old wonderful view to the park. It is beautiful; white, crisp and clear with the sun just about to rise. We have our base camp at Kaskis in Turku, while we wait for my next career move to materialize. This is the flat I lived at for most of my student life so you can imagine it strange being here again.
I love this old appartment, the smell of the dusty furniture and the silvery stars still hanging from the ceiling from the grand Ball of 1998... We are staying in the library now and have most of the other side sealed due to (much needed) renovations that started a few days ago. Knowing this to be temporary, I am very happy to be here now and to be the last one of us all to leave. At the same time I am getting very anxious to start the next kaisaful adventure and to close that big old door for the last time in my life.
We will try and get our Indian pictures sorted (camera stolen on day 1) and to share if not all then the most interesting experiences of that trip with all of you soon...
Bonn, I miss you!
I am sitting at my old desk but in a new room, looking at the same old wonderful view to the park. It is beautiful; white, crisp and clear with the sun just about to rise. We have our base camp at Kaskis in Turku, while we wait for my next career move to materialize. This is the flat I lived at for most of my student life so you can imagine it strange being here again.
I love this old appartment, the smell of the dusty furniture and the silvery stars still hanging from the ceiling from the grand Ball of 1998... We are staying in the library now and have most of the other side sealed due to (much needed) renovations that started a few days ago. Knowing this to be temporary, I am very happy to be here now and to be the last one of us all to leave. At the same time I am getting very anxious to start the next kaisaful adventure and to close that big old door for the last time in my life.
We will try and get our Indian pictures sorted (camera stolen on day 1) and to share if not all then the most interesting experiences of that trip with all of you soon...
Bonn, I miss you!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Greetings from Goa!
Just a quick word from on our way to the beach! Time has flown by and we have not managed to write a single line in our blogs for weeks... And now it is already Christmas! I have spent Christmases in so many different places, but here there really is no Christmas spirit or joulun tunnelmaa. We will do something nice with Jussi to celebrate, but on the other hand every day here is something special already... I miss all my people, family and friends and hope everybody is safe and warm enjoying the holidays. I look forward to yet another year with you all in my life!
Rauhallista Joulua! Ding dong merrily on high!
Rauhallista Joulua! Ding dong merrily on high!
Monday, November 21, 2005
kaisallisia kaikuja - mothertoungue (re)discovered
Kirjoittaminen suomeksi tuntuu hirvittävän paljon henkilökohtaisemmalta kuin kirjoittaminen englanniksi. Olen viime aikoina tottunut ilmaisemaan ajatuksiani vain vierailla kielillä ja nyt tämä oma äidinkieleni ei sitten millään tunnu taipuvan haluamikseni sanakäänteiksi. Omat odotukseni suomenkielisiä kirjoituksiani kohtaan ovat luonnollisesti myös korkealla ja jokainen tekemäni virhe on osoitus sivistymättömyydestä -vierailla kielillä on vain luonnollista tehdä pilkkuvirheitä. Lisäksi ajattelen, että olen parempi kirjoittamaan englantia vierasmaalaisena kuin kirjoittamaan suomea suomalaisena. Yhtenä syynä tähän kankeuteen lienee myös se, että englanniksi kirjoitan ja puhun samalla tavalla kun taas suomeksi puhuttu äidinkieleni on ulkomaiden & Turun ajan hioma (armas) Oulunmurre. Noh, eiköhän tämä tästä, seuraavan kappaleen kirjoittamiseen tuskin menee enää 15 minuuttia!
On myös jännää, miten kieli ja sen hallitseminen muovaavat ulkoista käytöstämme. Saksaksi olen huomattavan vähäsanaisempi ja hiljaisempi kuin englanniksi ja espanjaksi olen n. 3 vuotias lapsi. Suomeksi olen mitä milloinkin, mutta yleensä pystyn ilmaisemaan itseäni tarkasti. Paitsi välillä. Niin kuin ehkä vähän niin kuin nyt.
Luin saksalaista (miesten)lehteä viikonloppuna ja siellä oli artikkeli näistä blogeista. Julkkikseksi tulo ei kuulema koskaan ole ollut näin helppoa! Olen ajatellut tätä omaa kirjoitteluani ja perustellut sitä halulla pitää yhteyttä läheisiini ja jakaa ajatuksiani jo tuntemieni ihmisten kanssa. Mutta samalla, pakkohan se on myöntää, pidän myös ajatuksesta saada oma ääneni kuuluviin ja "julkaista" kirjoituksiani (seuraavaaksi haluaisin päästä levyttämään). En usko, ettäkö monikaan vieras näitä merkintöjäni lukee, mutta samalla odottelen kommentteja uusilta lukijoiltani. Olen myös jo kauan pyöritellyt ajatusta blogini hyödyntämisestä ensi kevään työnhaussa. Mutta ehkäpä sitä varten perustan uuden, hallitumman weblogin nimeltään palkatkaaminutpliis! tai singlewhitefemale tai joblessinfinland. Tai miten olisi jobiaetsimässä...Kaisa4hire saatettaisiin tulkita väärin. Jokatapauksessa, minusta tämä on hauskaa puuhaa ja businessnaisena on myös erittäin mielenkiintoista, miten tämmöisen uudet keksinnöt leviävät ja saavat uusia (luovia) käyttömuotoja. Vaikka niistä sitten siten tulisikin pahojen markkinavoimien kätyreitä.
Ostin muuten sen kyseisen lehden oikeastaan vahingossa; sen teemana oli Luovuus (be creative!) ja kansikuvan vähäpukeiset typykät olivat harhaanjohtavan tyylitellysti vähäpukeisia. Luulin siis ostavani paikallista Imagea, mutta taisinkin ostaa Miehen Glorian, vaimikäselieolisi se vastaava. Mutta mitäpä siitä, artikkeleiden takiahan lehtiä kuin lehtiä on aina osteltu. Luovuuteen kehotettiin pyrkimään teknologiaa uudella tavalla hyödyntämällä, yksinkertaisesti aloittamalla, harrastamalla seksiä, yksityiskohtiin rakastumalla, elämällä säännönmukaisesti, asumalla halvalla alueella, odottamalla mutta odotusajan hyödyntämällä, verkostoitumalla ja uusia materiaaleja käyttämällä. Jokaiselle siis jotain ja aika yleismaailmallisia totuuksia kaikki tyynni. Olen yrittänyt täällä Bonnissa välttää elämistä jo sitä seuraavaa vaihetta odottaen, suurimmaksi osin siinä onnistuenkin. Life is what happens while you are making other plans, muistuttelen itselleni. Ja vaikka olenkin siihen odottamiseen jossain määrin syyllistynyt, olen kyllä hyödyntänyt sen ajan mielestäni aika hyvin. Olen ympäröinyt itseni luovilla asioilla ja ihmisillä sekä yleisesti ottaen inspiroitunut elämästä. Olen oppinut taas uusia asioita itsestäni ja tajunnut, miten kaikki on lopulta kiinni vain siitä, kuinka omat asiansa/ tekemisensä onnistuu muille esittämään ja kuinka omiin mahdollisuuksiinsa uskoo. Muita listan asioita aion myös tässä ajan kanssa kokeilla, viimeistään Intiassa niihin varmasti tarjoutuu mahdollisuus. Katsotaan sitten, miten tämä luovuuden etsintä tästä kehittyy ja mihin siinä mahdollisesti päädyn!
Ja onhan sekin jo osoitus jostain, että "vahingossa" ostaa lehden, jota normaalisti ei lukisi, vain koska sen kannessa lukee se yksi tietty taikasana. Where there is a will there is a way... Luovaa viikkoa murmelini!
On myös jännää, miten kieli ja sen hallitseminen muovaavat ulkoista käytöstämme. Saksaksi olen huomattavan vähäsanaisempi ja hiljaisempi kuin englanniksi ja espanjaksi olen n. 3 vuotias lapsi. Suomeksi olen mitä milloinkin, mutta yleensä pystyn ilmaisemaan itseäni tarkasti. Paitsi välillä. Niin kuin ehkä vähän niin kuin nyt.
Luin saksalaista (miesten)lehteä viikonloppuna ja siellä oli artikkeli näistä blogeista. Julkkikseksi tulo ei kuulema koskaan ole ollut näin helppoa! Olen ajatellut tätä omaa kirjoitteluani ja perustellut sitä halulla pitää yhteyttä läheisiini ja jakaa ajatuksiani jo tuntemieni ihmisten kanssa. Mutta samalla, pakkohan se on myöntää, pidän myös ajatuksesta saada oma ääneni kuuluviin ja "julkaista" kirjoituksiani (seuraavaaksi haluaisin päästä levyttämään). En usko, ettäkö monikaan vieras näitä merkintöjäni lukee, mutta samalla odottelen kommentteja uusilta lukijoiltani. Olen myös jo kauan pyöritellyt ajatusta blogini hyödyntämisestä ensi kevään työnhaussa. Mutta ehkäpä sitä varten perustan uuden, hallitumman weblogin nimeltään palkatkaaminutpliis! tai singlewhitefemale tai joblessinfinland. Tai miten olisi jobiaetsimässä...Kaisa4hire saatettaisiin tulkita väärin. Jokatapauksessa, minusta tämä on hauskaa puuhaa ja businessnaisena on myös erittäin mielenkiintoista, miten tämmöisen uudet keksinnöt leviävät ja saavat uusia (luovia) käyttömuotoja. Vaikka niistä sitten siten tulisikin pahojen markkinavoimien kätyreitä.
Ostin muuten sen kyseisen lehden oikeastaan vahingossa; sen teemana oli Luovuus (be creative!) ja kansikuvan vähäpukeiset typykät olivat harhaanjohtavan tyylitellysti vähäpukeisia. Luulin siis ostavani paikallista Imagea, mutta taisinkin ostaa Miehen Glorian, vaimikäselieolisi se vastaava. Mutta mitäpä siitä, artikkeleiden takiahan lehtiä kuin lehtiä on aina osteltu. Luovuuteen kehotettiin pyrkimään teknologiaa uudella tavalla hyödyntämällä, yksinkertaisesti aloittamalla, harrastamalla seksiä, yksityiskohtiin rakastumalla, elämällä säännönmukaisesti, asumalla halvalla alueella, odottamalla mutta odotusajan hyödyntämällä, verkostoitumalla ja uusia materiaaleja käyttämällä. Jokaiselle siis jotain ja aika yleismaailmallisia totuuksia kaikki tyynni. Olen yrittänyt täällä Bonnissa välttää elämistä jo sitä seuraavaa vaihetta odottaen, suurimmaksi osin siinä onnistuenkin. Life is what happens while you are making other plans, muistuttelen itselleni. Ja vaikka olenkin siihen odottamiseen jossain määrin syyllistynyt, olen kyllä hyödyntänyt sen ajan mielestäni aika hyvin. Olen ympäröinyt itseni luovilla asioilla ja ihmisillä sekä yleisesti ottaen inspiroitunut elämästä. Olen oppinut taas uusia asioita itsestäni ja tajunnut, miten kaikki on lopulta kiinni vain siitä, kuinka omat asiansa/ tekemisensä onnistuu muille esittämään ja kuinka omiin mahdollisuuksiinsa uskoo. Muita listan asioita aion myös tässä ajan kanssa kokeilla, viimeistään Intiassa niihin varmasti tarjoutuu mahdollisuus. Katsotaan sitten, miten tämä luovuuden etsintä tästä kehittyy ja mihin siinä mahdollisesti päädyn!
Ja onhan sekin jo osoitus jostain, että "vahingossa" ostaa lehden, jota normaalisti ei lukisi, vain koska sen kannessa lukee se yksi tietty taikasana. Where there is a will there is a way... Luovaa viikkoa murmelini!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
I am not a nerd at all...
..but apparently "maybe not at all cool either"...
Oh, well. There you go. Next stop: the Harry Potter sorting hat test!!
Oh, well. There you go. Next stop: the Harry Potter sorting hat test!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Es wird viel passieren
The other day I found my high-school sweetheart again! I remember how it used to be a part of my daily life... MARIENHOF! Again, I am using the same excuse for watching it: learning more German. Oh, but it is comforting to see how some things never change! The Turkish vegetable merchant, Sülo Ösketürk (or something similarly insanely Turkish!) is still there, as well as the night club "Roxy" where everybody meets in the evenings. Now I just have to try and fit it into my veri bisi agenda... I should think once a week is enough to keep up with what's going on... Even though the slogan is "a lot will be happening" (translation tres difficult this morning) none of the twists in the plot seem to require frequent viewing. Currently my nro one priority is seeing people, second doing enough sports and third having enough time for myself. Maybe I could squeeze Mhof into one of those categories.... But who in their right mind would want to watch Mhof with me? And I would be too embarrassed to be seen watching it at the gym. And I guess watching Mhof alone is like drinking alone or talking to yourself: not advisable. On top of it all, I am leaving the country again in a couple of weeks! So, like most all the other high-school sweethearts, this one will have to go and even though I know there is no real future for us, it still stings a bit! ;-) And Kotikatu just never did it for me, I don’t know why!
The right time this sickening affection towards endless documentaries about the 2nd world war and dubbed foreign films I’ve already seen in original versions ends! Just the other night I found myself smiling at a German TV commercial…! Soon I might start watching the local soaps for real, like verliebt in berlin (an “ugly” girl with braces and plastic eye glasses working in the fashion industry??) or Tatort (this, I guess, is a quality crime series). Down the road there are the endless talk shows with angry lesbians in glimmering outfits and spitting slimy politicians thrown together to entertain the masses with “intellectual” debate. Yes, it is time to depart from this land of green & leathery police uniforms, brezels with beer or radler for women and rudeness as a national sport before I become one of the people who shout at you if you don’t cross the road quickly enough.
On a more serious ending note it will not be easy leaving all that I have here behind, especially since it means building it all up again somewhere else. I hate goodbyes so I’ll probably just end up saying “see you around” to everybody. Luckily the world has become so small that friendships across distances are not so difficult to maintain. Adapting one of the famous goodbye lines in the history of cinema: we will always have Bonn…
The right time this sickening affection towards endless documentaries about the 2nd world war and dubbed foreign films I’ve already seen in original versions ends! Just the other night I found myself smiling at a German TV commercial…! Soon I might start watching the local soaps for real, like verliebt in berlin (an “ugly” girl with braces and plastic eye glasses working in the fashion industry??) or Tatort (this, I guess, is a quality crime series). Down the road there are the endless talk shows with angry lesbians in glimmering outfits and spitting slimy politicians thrown together to entertain the masses with “intellectual” debate. Yes, it is time to depart from this land of green & leathery police uniforms, brezels with beer or radler for women and rudeness as a national sport before I become one of the people who shout at you if you don’t cross the road quickly enough.
On a more serious ending note it will not be easy leaving all that I have here behind, especially since it means building it all up again somewhere else. I hate goodbyes so I’ll probably just end up saying “see you around” to everybody. Luckily the world has become so small that friendships across distances are not so difficult to maintain. Adapting one of the famous goodbye lines in the history of cinema: we will always have Bonn…
Monday, November 14, 2005
Weekend fun
On Saturday we went to Köln to dance along to the DJs (disc jockeys, as a friend likes to call them..) of Mojo club.. I think I've been to the real club in Hamburg a few years ago during a choir tour... In any case the music was GReat (dance floor jazz) and we danced the night away!! Excellente!
The next day was naturally somewhat affected by the joys of the previous evening and I ended up spending most of my Sunday having brunch at Rheinlust. Full multicontinental breakfast, some Finnish newspapers and invigorating conversations. Perfecto!
The next day was naturally somewhat affected by the joys of the previous evening and I ended up spending most of my Sunday having brunch at Rheinlust. Full multicontinental breakfast, some Finnish newspapers and invigorating conversations. Perfecto!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Alaaf; start of the 5th season
This soap opera is never ending! Today at exactly 11.11 O'clock the official Karneval season starts again...
St Maarten komt
Today is St Martin day and already yesterday the streets were filled with lantern-carrying, money-begging children. I started the evening with a balancing act: body balance at my fitness club followed by a cleansing beer at bönnsch with our Finnish community. The highlight of the evening was joining my Danish friends for a Real Danish St Maarten's meal (stuffed Duck, caramelised potatoes, the lot!) and some red wine. Mange tack!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
in the departures lounge
So now it’s official: I am leaving Bonn in the end of the month. Next stop India and thereafter… Helsinki?
I have no regrets, but do feel that it is a great pity that this did not work out. There are many people that I will miss terribly and the job itself has a lot of potential. At the same time I haven’t developed during this 6 month period as much as I did e.g. as an Intern and somehow have not been able to perform the way that I feel I should have been. In fact, this job has been slowly eating me, nibbling into my professional confidence and I have to stop it now in order to come of this experience as a winner. I am optimistic about my future and feel very strongly that this is the right thing to do. I have learned a lot about myself and will be sure to do things differently the next time.
I feel exhilarated and exhausted, happy-go-lucky and terribly worried, like an idiot and fantastically courageous…
It is not easy just leaving a permanent job without a new one to jump into. On the other hand it is not so usual to be able to take some time for yourself and not to have to think about that mortgage, child-care etc... Time has become the scarcest of resources for the modern woman. I will use these 2 monthfuls of luxury to the best of my ability and go traveling in India with my soul mate and partner in crime, Jussi. I try not to feel guilty for doing this and make the most of this opportunity for real reflection and serious planning the Future. Maybe that will lead to crafting that infamous Vision; at least I will start off my career a fresh and gather some intellectual/mental/spiritual capital for whatever lies ahead of me. Even if this direction turns out to be wrong I need to take this step if for nothing else than for the sake for having done just that.
It might be easy to put this down into to being young and naïve and having not yet learned that this is as good as it gets. I acknowledge that Life sometimes has to be boring and can even seem unbearably though at times. I don’t expect to be any different from anybody else and don’t have any misconceptions of my possibilities or unreal expectations. At the same time really believe in having great Dreams and expecting nothing but the best from myself. Life in deed is like a box of chocolates and it offers us not only pleasant experiences but also many disappointments ranging from smaller misfortunes of not finding the right flavored chewing gum to serious catastrophes that leave you short of everything. I have to equip myself the best I can to be able to cope with what ever my little earthquakes might turn out to be. Most importantly I must not let any fear of not succeeding keep me from doing new things and embracing challenges. It all comes down to self awareness, -esteem, -confidence. It is also about how you present yourself to others and how that in turn shapes the opportunities around you.
I sometimes think that my biggest tragedy in this life is not having any big tragedies in this life. I have had it very easy and I am grateful for that, but at the same time I feel that I could have done with a bit of a kicking to force me to take control of my own fate. I would also have something concrete as an explanation for feeling insufficient, depressed or just plain lost. But on the other hand self-pity and shifting blame are among the biggest and most common disservices that we do to ourselves. I want to keep away from doing that and take full responsibility for all my actions and decision. I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I might have made some really stupid choices, but at least I made them and did not just go with the flow. I want to take ownership of my own life and be accountable for my actions.
Somebody just wished me good luck and added a Chinese saying: may you live interesting times. I have the feeling that the times ahead of me will turn out to be just that. Someone is singing "I did it my way" along the corridor... and I totally agree with Simon: everything will be alright with me.
I have no regrets, but do feel that it is a great pity that this did not work out. There are many people that I will miss terribly and the job itself has a lot of potential. At the same time I haven’t developed during this 6 month period as much as I did e.g. as an Intern and somehow have not been able to perform the way that I feel I should have been. In fact, this job has been slowly eating me, nibbling into my professional confidence and I have to stop it now in order to come of this experience as a winner. I am optimistic about my future and feel very strongly that this is the right thing to do. I have learned a lot about myself and will be sure to do things differently the next time.
I feel exhilarated and exhausted, happy-go-lucky and terribly worried, like an idiot and fantastically courageous…
It is not easy just leaving a permanent job without a new one to jump into. On the other hand it is not so usual to be able to take some time for yourself and not to have to think about that mortgage, child-care etc... Time has become the scarcest of resources for the modern woman. I will use these 2 monthfuls of luxury to the best of my ability and go traveling in India with my soul mate and partner in crime, Jussi. I try not to feel guilty for doing this and make the most of this opportunity for real reflection and serious planning the Future. Maybe that will lead to crafting that infamous Vision; at least I will start off my career a fresh and gather some intellectual/mental/spiritual capital for whatever lies ahead of me. Even if this direction turns out to be wrong I need to take this step if for nothing else than for the sake for having done just that.
It might be easy to put this down into to being young and naïve and having not yet learned that this is as good as it gets. I acknowledge that Life sometimes has to be boring and can even seem unbearably though at times. I don’t expect to be any different from anybody else and don’t have any misconceptions of my possibilities or unreal expectations. At the same time really believe in having great Dreams and expecting nothing but the best from myself. Life in deed is like a box of chocolates and it offers us not only pleasant experiences but also many disappointments ranging from smaller misfortunes of not finding the right flavored chewing gum to serious catastrophes that leave you short of everything. I have to equip myself the best I can to be able to cope with what ever my little earthquakes might turn out to be. Most importantly I must not let any fear of not succeeding keep me from doing new things and embracing challenges. It all comes down to self awareness, -esteem, -confidence. It is also about how you present yourself to others and how that in turn shapes the opportunities around you.
I sometimes think that my biggest tragedy in this life is not having any big tragedies in this life. I have had it very easy and I am grateful for that, but at the same time I feel that I could have done with a bit of a kicking to force me to take control of my own fate. I would also have something concrete as an explanation for feeling insufficient, depressed or just plain lost. But on the other hand self-pity and shifting blame are among the biggest and most common disservices that we do to ourselves. I want to keep away from doing that and take full responsibility for all my actions and decision. I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I might have made some really stupid choices, but at least I made them and did not just go with the flow. I want to take ownership of my own life and be accountable for my actions.
Somebody just wished me good luck and added a Chinese saying: may you live interesting times. I have the feeling that the times ahead of me will turn out to be just that. Someone is singing "I did it my way" along the corridor... and I totally agree with Simon: everything will be alright with me.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Clap your hands if you believe...
Saw "Finding Neverland" with Jenny yesterday. It restored my belief in fairies and strengthened my dedication to follow my own path in this life. Now I just have to find that path...
Yesterday I also ran 10 km for the first time in my life. The weather was GREAT and running felt really good. And doing something for the first time in your life gives you such a rush, doesn't it! I have never been the running type so this was an important milestone and a true victory over myself. And it was not even difficult!
I finished my Sunday evening with some Finnish cider and soul searching...
This morning it was pissing down rain and still I biked to work! Wrapped my laptop in a plastic bag and wore my dhl rain trousers on top of my business gear. That's Finnish SISU for you!
Yesterday I also ran 10 km for the first time in my life. The weather was GREAT and running felt really good. And doing something for the first time in your life gives you such a rush, doesn't it! I have never been the running type so this was an important milestone and a true victory over myself. And it was not even difficult!
I finished my Sunday evening with some Finnish cider and soul searching...
This morning it was pissing down rain and still I biked to work! Wrapped my laptop in a plastic bag and wore my dhl rain trousers on top of my business gear. That's Finnish SISU for you!
Monday, October 24, 2005
Another glorious Montag
My colleague just brought me some Finnish magazines, Gloria they are called.
I had a lovely weekend full of music. The Ellington concerts were a huge success! I was very stimulated (an excellent word introduced to me by my colleague and travel companion par excelence, Simon) by the combination of a Big Band, 2 Choirs, amazing Solist and a Tap Dancer! It was a great project to be involved in and once again made me realize how much pleasure music and other performing arts really bring me. Especially since my current line of activies are not that fulfilling at all. A very special time of self reflection and growing pains, this Germanic Autumn seems to be. Just my usual autumnal behaviour enforced by bonn'full solitude and work related management issues I guess.
I really miss living in Finland. I have never read Helsinginsanomat or NYT-liite with such intensity before! It is difficult to tell apart missing Jussi, my family, friends and a sense of direction from missing Finland. So maybe if Jussi was here I could cope with not being in Finland and not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life. All this emotional mess aside, it is becoming clearer and clearer that at the core of all this longing to be somewhere else is my work. I was told (by a HR Professional, no other) to craft my Vision and start steering my life towards that in stead of just always going with the flow, accepting where ever that might take me. I think I am one of those people who've had it too easy in their lifes. Or maybe it just takes being in the wrong places enough times to really know when you finally are in the right place?
This at least makes sense: when deciding on their careers people are guided by their talents, values or interests. I am fairly talented in many things and not exceptionally talented in anything (feel free to argue here! ;-). So that leaves me with my values and interests. It all seems so simple on paper. And maybe it is. Let's see what this all leads to! I must say, it has been an intriguing ride so far.
I had a lovely weekend full of music. The Ellington concerts were a huge success! I was very stimulated (an excellent word introduced to me by my colleague and travel companion par excelence, Simon) by the combination of a Big Band, 2 Choirs, amazing Solist and a Tap Dancer! It was a great project to be involved in and once again made me realize how much pleasure music and other performing arts really bring me. Especially since my current line of activies are not that fulfilling at all. A very special time of self reflection and growing pains, this Germanic Autumn seems to be. Just my usual autumnal behaviour enforced by bonn'full solitude and work related management issues I guess.
I really miss living in Finland. I have never read Helsinginsanomat or NYT-liite with such intensity before! It is difficult to tell apart missing Jussi, my family, friends and a sense of direction from missing Finland. So maybe if Jussi was here I could cope with not being in Finland and not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life. All this emotional mess aside, it is becoming clearer and clearer that at the core of all this longing to be somewhere else is my work. I was told (by a HR Professional, no other) to craft my Vision and start steering my life towards that in stead of just always going with the flow, accepting where ever that might take me. I think I am one of those people who've had it too easy in their lifes. Or maybe it just takes being in the wrong places enough times to really know when you finally are in the right place?
This at least makes sense: when deciding on their careers people are guided by their talents, values or interests. I am fairly talented in many things and not exceptionally talented in anything (feel free to argue here! ;-). So that leaves me with my values and interests. It all seems so simple on paper. And maybe it is. Let's see what this all leads to! I must say, it has been an intriguing ride so far.
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